The Restoration of Stephen Baldwin

7 05 2010


Sexy Stephen 🙂 

Diana Hsieh has already blogged about the website, Restore Stephen Baldwin (H/T). But I just couldn’t resist exposing the absurdity of this site and poking fun.  Stephen Baldwin apparently became a born again Christian in 2002.  Now it appears he’s also bankrupt.

I thought I’d work through some of the quotes on the website:

“A simple search through the internet will reveal that people not only mock Stephen, but mock God.”

I reckon most mocking is actually directed at the stupidity of either Christians or their beliefs, not God, because he doesn’t actually exist.

 “Everyone knows that God restored Job”

Did he really? previously we were told “He lost his children, his health, his home and wealth.”  I suppose God resurrected his dead kids?  God hates amputees too, see  
However, Job did apparently become a rich man again.  Everybody who’s read the book of Job should also know that supposedly Job lived for another 140 years after all this.  Considering that this would make him the longest lived person ever, to be honest, I’m just a little bit skeptical as to the accuracy of this entire story. 

“Job was instantly restored by “All Who Knew Him”

Hang on, I thought God restored Job?!  And now I’m wondering if the authors of this site know what “instantly” means?

Jobs friends believed that Job had sinned in order to be punished by God.  Ie: They blamed Job for his genuine misfortune of being sick and having his kids die young, (NB/ Baldwin only has himself to blame for his bankruptcy)  Yeah, great friends. 
OK, Job’s friends weren’t that bad, they did want to help him out.  According to the Bible, the friends spent 7 days sitting on the ground with Job, without saying anything to him.  Job at last broke his silence and “curses the day he was born”.  

“If the people of God come together and each give a small “Token Gift” we can see a massive restoration of a Christian public figure and all the glory will go to God.” 

The “glory” will go to the ability of those behind this website to scam money out of suckers for no good reason.  How about Stephen takes responsibility for his actions like everyone else has to. 

“people are saying where is your God now Stephen?”

Yeah that’s certainly a funny line, best done in the voice of Chief Wiggum from the Simpsons – “Ha-ha, where’s your Messiah now Flanders?”  But it seems that Pastor Chris Musgrove is also confused.  The whole point of Christian ethics is human submission to God eg/ see commandments 1-4 of the 10 commandments.  Obedience, suffering and martyrdom are virtues.  You can’t expect to be rewarded.  In fact this observation is the main point of the book of Job. 
The megalomaniac God who created you for the sole purpose of being a pathetic little sheep and worshiping him for eternity, also refuses to reward you for worshiping him and makes a virtue out of suffering (until you’re dead at least, but that’s highly arguable if you ask me considering Heaven sounds like a nightmare scenario).  But don’t worry, God is perfect and a top guy – even if he does have some major insecurity issues. 

It’s really annoying how when something good happens it’s supposedly all God’s doing, but nothing bad happening ever gets blamed on God. 

You see this over and over.  Someone thanking God that they weren’t killed in a Hurricane.  Do they praise God for the hurricane killing their neighbor?  Or people praising God when a plane crash lands and not everyone dies.  The later example is also actually really insulting to the pilots who are the ones that truly deserve the praise for being professional in a life threatening situation. 

But as Christianity teaches, humans are dirty little sinners.  Ie: Original sin.  The question of how you are supposed to be moral or immoral if it is already pre-determined that you’re evil is beyond me? – but the message is clear.  You’re evil.  Not capable of evil.  Actually evil.  That’s why when Christians receive communion they ask for forgiveness for sinning in “thought word and deed”.  Yep, even thinking can be a sin in Christianity! 

I’ll finish with some song lyrics by Warrel Dane (singer of Nevermore): 

“The sheep were made, to follow
Choke back the puke and swallow.”




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